101 Down: Why??? Because you have to show up for one extra class

# of yoga classes taken since Sept: 101
# of doubles: approx 15
# of triples: 1
# of times I did my laundry: countless


So last night I finally did my 101 class. According to the definition of the 101 day yoga challenge you do   

101-Days because you just have to show up for one extra day.

and basically in my mind it's because you can...what is one extra day after all is said and done?

I loved every minute of it and even though the last two weeks have been grueling practicing yoga every day and having some doubles thrown in...it has been so worth it. My body is so sore and I LOVE IT!!!

Last night in class Kate said I was an inspiration...which in my mind is laughable cos I'm far from inspiring. I started to think of what inspired me to get this done...Firstly my cousin Sue who is just an all round inspiration. She got me into this Bikram yoga malarkey and I truly love her for it. We live parallel lives on opposite sides of the earth and we often find that we have been doing and discovering things at the same time...Bikram was one thing that she gently nudged me towards and her gentle persistence finally worked.

When I first attended the studio the lovely Steve was just finishing his 101 challenege. Dude he made it real for me...he is so serene and always has a smile on his face...we got to talking and he told me he finished his challenge early!!! Lets just say when he told me what day he finished on my jaw dropped and my mind started working over time wondering if I could do the same... This dude is my hero nuff respect to him.

The lovely Claire and Joe the cutest couple on earth finished their 100 day challenge last week Friday in Paris...totally romantic. In my mind they held hands during the final savasana....err what can I say I'm a hopeless romantic.


Now I'm sitting here wondering what is next...I've been lovingly banned from the studio for a few days in order to rest up and will be back next week Thursday. This is a good thing because I know that my body needs to rest up and process the changes that are taking place from within. Unfortunately with the Christmas season I'm scared I may do more damage than good...I will show restraint....I will continue to blog but not as often. And I may even do another challenge God willing...but I think that once you have done 101 you stop counting and just keep going.

sidebar: I never got my forehead to my knee in standing separate leg head to knee pose..but I know I will one day.

100 Down: I'm Blessed and I'm Prettier

This morning was my 100th day!!!! I can't believe it y'all I can't believe I actually did 100 yoga sessions in the hot room...in 99 days!!! CAN I GET AN AMEN THANK YOU JESUS!!!! CAN I GET A WHOOP WHOOP. AH SHOOT LET'S JUST THROW A PARTY!

Class this morning was, simply put, AMAZING!!

On my 82nd class, the day I went back after the man flu,  the lovely Claire said "tell me when you get to 100 so I can come and practice with you". I almost cried when she said that. And true to her word she was there at 630 this morning along with her hubby Dennis. It was such a beautiful gesture and it meant so much to me. They got me a card and some spa magik dead sea bath salt...They so did not have to do that because it was more than enough being in class with me at that ungodly hour...I will never forget this until the day I die. I will be using the bath salt to soak in with my favourite glass of red wine tomorrow night. Claire has been a real inspiration from my first entering the Bikram studio she has always had a word of encouragement and her muscles are to die for...she says she only does bikram so there is hope for my arms yet.

I'm so grateful to everyone at Bikram Yoga Chiswick everyone there feels like family and I have so much love for them. Thank you for encouraging me and for helping me finish the challenge as you know how important it is for me not to fail this. It is true what they say: "how you deal with the situation in the room is how you deal with life." Many a time it was a struggle and I felt like giving up. But I saw it through with my own persistence and with the help of everyone there who cheered me on. What you put in to life and in yoga is what you get out of it. So here's hoping for that major positive shift in my life that I have been longing for for the longest time.

I definitely am feeling the effects of the last 100 sessions and all I can say is BOO YA!!!!!

Physically I am starting to get muscle in my arms. I've always hated my arms and always wear long sleeves even in the hottest summer. Come next summer I will be able to show them off next year.

People have said I look smaller...I don't really see it. I am going by the scale, which is bad I know. I'm not too happy with the numbers.  I hadn't seen a friend of mine since the beginning of the challenge and she said I do look smaller and my arms are getting defined (ever so slightly but the definition is there).

People also say my skin is glowing which makes me smile. I don't really wear makeup so this is good cos I really can't be arsed dealing with foundation and crap...Bring on the natural glow.

I have also noticed people smile at me when I'm walking down the street. The lovely Laura said it is because there is an internal light in  me that is shining through...so imma let this little light of mine shine

Mentally I am STRONGER...granted I get Bikram brain every now and again but I don't feel as depressed as I did before I started.

I used to have little panic attacks and dwell on stuff making my situation feel worse then it was...now I deal with it or let it go. Once in a while I do dwell on stuff but definitely not as much as before.

I have a voice now. Before I really didn't have the confidence to say what I felt...I now know that my opinion counts and I know that I am important if I wasn't I wouldn't be on this earth. End of story.


Spiritually there has been movement and I feel more in tune with the Creator. I haven't stepped foot into church since way before July to the disappointment of some people and I don't feel bad about that. The yoga has been my meditation with God as He made me and dwells within me showing me what I am capable of. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

95 Down: It's all about savasana baby

The last week I've been taking full advantage of the final savasana and all I have to say today is this:
If I could bottle up the final savasana and sell it I'd be rich and there would be no war. 

Taking the extra minutes I have realised that the healing truly comes from that stillness...Not only does your body cool down but it has given my body a chance to really recognise what the last 90mins were about and do it's cellular level work. Plus I kind of feel all high and go of into a litte dream world. LOVE IT!!!!

 

 

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91 92 93 94 Down: The best weekend

I have had the most amazing weekend and it was all Bikram related surrounded by genuine people I love with all my heart.

91 Down
Friday for my 91st class I went to Brighton and practiced at Bikram in the Lanes, alongside Caroline a dear friend of mine. I was scared I wasn't going to do well and had a minor panic attack on the way up but it was fine...I did enjoy it but there is no place like home. The rest of the day was spent eating the most delicious raw food...life could not have been any better thanks Caroline.

92 Down
I had a revelation in class. This year I HATE CHRISTMAS!!!  Towards the end of class the lovely Andy made a comment about Christmas, in my mind I said "fuck christmas!" and burst into tears. Yesterday was the first time I acknowledged to myself that I'm not happy about not going home (Zimbabwe) for the holidays. It's about family not loneliness.
 Saturday night was Bikram Yoga Chiswick's christmas party and it was lush. Yes I got drunk as I have no control when it comes to alcohol. But it was gooooooddddd!!!!! There was ZUMBA it was amazing and every single person who attends BYC is lush  I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE!!!! Nope I'm not still drunk.

93 and 94 Down
0640 woke up hungover
0725 dragged my carcass out of bed
0800 left  home
0845 walked into the building saw the lovely Shvorne at reception and just shook my head.
0900 I was in class!
I honestly thought it was going to be like my red wine saturday where I felt it was pointless being in class but it wasn't. It felt like the best hangover cure in the world. I was so transformed I did a back to back double and I LOVED IT!!!!!

I discovered a way to love on my tummy... I am holding a grudge against my belly for not being smaller. Caroline suggested that I love on my tummy. And today it happened. I was meant to be standing with my hands down by my side but for some reason they were on my belly and the next thing I knew I had formed the heart symbol... just over my belly button...tiny steps to acknowledging my belly.

90 Down:Rituals

Last night was my 90th class I can't believe I've come this far. This week I've been doing doubles (not back to back) early mornings (0630) and late nights (2015) it's crazy I know...I get home just after 2300 and wake up at 0500 to get to my morning class. And I'm here thinking if it was for anything else there is no way I'd be sacrificing my sleep. But I'm not knackered once I'm up I'm up. Benefit of Bikram.

Last night I got to talking to little Alex before class. And I totally forgot to do my loo run 5mins before the start of class. I was screwing cos I hate having to leave class to use the loo plus I fear that I'll be the cause of groupthink and people start leaving class to use the loo. Thankfully I didn't need to go the use of the loo 5mins before class is one of my yoga rituals...even if it's a little piss I went so I'm good to go.(tmi I know sorry)

This got me thinking of my other rituals in the hot room.
1) when performing half moon pose I always do a little shimmy to try make myself taller...plus I love the way my waist and hips look in the set up of the pose it's the way my body is meant to look.

2) Standing bow is no longer a friend of mine. No matter how much I've tried to find common ground with the beautiful posture it hasnt happened. At one point I thought we had an understanding but now not no more. So whenever I fall out of the posture I try to become invisible by standing still looking down to the floor for fear of catching the teacher's eye and them telling us if you fall out get back in....nah it ain't happening.

3) When on the floor if i realise my mat is crooked I get crazy brain. So I place my towel straight over the top of my mat. Who knew I had a little OCD when it comes to straight lines.

4) When doing the sit up, just before putting my arms above my head, I always without fail touch my boobs!!! Weird I know. I'm trying to stop that bad habit.

85 and 86 down: Anxiety

Peeps I'm not sure this can be done...I handed in my schedule to the folks at BYC trying to slip in triples alongside back to back doubles and needless to say I got rumbled hehehe....which I deserved plus I really don't think they would want to be carrying this lump of lard out on a stretcher. After speaking to the lovely Kat and Charlie I walked into class with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. And an 'I can do this' frame of mind. As soon as we started the pranayama breathing I got anxious and I couldn't catch my breath my heart started beating fast....and I was like "well damn looka here it's gonna be like this is it??!!??!!" I had to stop take stock and breathe in gratitude and breathe out anxiety....that didn't work...I started having a conversation with myself...

me 1: I'm gonna leave the room and sit outside for a bit
me 2: if you leave the room they'll say your body is giving up
me 1: no they wont shut up!!
me 2: yep they will...look at you the yoga truck is dragging your carcass across the road
me 1: ok imma sit on the mat for a bit
me 2: go for it but you won't get up again
me 1: sod you i'm sitting down

Just before standing bow I collapsed onto the mat and sat there until standing separate leg stretching pose...attempted that then sat down again until standing separate head to knee (my fav posture even though I still can't get my blooming head to my knee yet) and from then on I was semi alright I didn't leave the room owing to stubborness.

http://girlwiththeredhair.com/

This morning my carcass was back in the studio with bells on at 630 in the morning. OMG it was amazing so different from last night one of the best classes yet...I was so close to finally getting my hands on the floor with the second part of tree stand on the way to toe standing...YEAH!!!!! I fell out and couldn't get back to it but my tippy fingers touched the ground for a millisecond (incremental changes y'all). I even talked myself into partaking of bow pose and I got into it quicker than usual and held it longer than usual.

Hopefully tonight's class will be as good as this mornings. I hope I didn't jinx it.

84 Down: I'm BAAAACCCKKKKK Y'ALL!!!!!!!

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I stepped into the room after 4 days of being at deaths door (ok I exaggerate). Being back in the heat and doing the 26 postures felt so good. I plonked myself at the back of the class right near the window just in case I passed out or had a coughing fit but none of that happened. On Saturday I did one class and the lovely Fed came up to me during standing forehead to knee...there I was comfortable doing my modified version and he was like "Come on  Nikki you can do it" and I did I finally stood there in the first part of the posture...CAN I GET A WHOOOP WHOOP GRRRR!!!!! Granted I didn't get the full Bikram grip but hey if it takes another 81 days to do this then so be it. But do you know what this incremental step means? It means I'm finally losing inches on my tummy and it also means I'm getting stronger!!!! COME ON!!!!  I decided that in the first set I will do my modified pose then come the second set I will do the first part with strength.

Yesterday I did another back to back double. Why do I keep doing this to myself...honestly I hate back to back doubles my mind sabotages every single posture...I need at least an hours break before the second class.

I'm trying to catch up on the missed days and I still aim to have 101 classes in 101 days so the 10th of December is my cutoff day. The lovely Charlie has banned me from doing triples....but i may end up sneaking some past him....*shrugs shoulders*

I'm so glad to be back bikraming.

81 Down: Man Flu

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I woke up with a sore throat and thought it'll pass soon as I get a hot honey and lemon down my neck...nah it stuck around. So I decided Bikram would sweat it out and get me feeling all healthy again. I pushed myself and got through the class way better than I did on Sunday and I thought yep I've kicked this effing cold in the butt.
I got home gargled with salt and water and even considered doing some urine therapy but I'm not there yet...nuff respect to all the urine therapists out there.

I woke up feeling rough as old boots...throat as if razors were setting up for a residencey. I have decided to not go and practice my 82nd class which means I won't reach my goal of reaching 90 classes by the 29th unless I don a triple or am able to get out of work early on some days. I'm cool with that as I need to listen to my body and rest up. Besides I don't really want to get any of the lovely people at BYC sick so it's best to stay away while I'm at the contagious stage.

So tonight it's off to bed with some baileys as I feel it soothes the throat hot lemon honey and ginger....boooooo

80 Down: Red Red Wine

Last night I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in ages and the red wine started to flow (only one bottlle) while we nattered on. I really do not think that I had a lot to drink. This was the first time alcohol passed my lips since starting the challenge. I didn't get drunk but I was aware that I might be dehydrated in the morning so whenever I woke up last night I would gulp down some water. I also drank 2 litres before class...but none of this prep helped. Today was the very first time I wished I had not step foot in the studio. I was stiffer than a mofo...I felt heavy and sluggish and stiff. A headache took hold about a half hour before class ended. I wasn't hungover...well I didn't think I was hungover but man oh man...yeah with Christmas coming up I don't think I'll be partaking in the red juice anytime soon if I'm going to feel like this.

78 and 79: All I Want for Christmas is a YOGA BUM

So I managed to get to the Saturday class and banged out a back to back double. I have decided I don't like back to backs I'd rather have a break in the middle then come back for more a few hours later.

The lovely Andy was telling us how we have to be patient when it comes to doing the postures cos yoga is about patience and letting the body do what it do. I thought to myself as I stared down my body "yep patience is what I need and what I most definitely don't have because I don't see my yoga bum emerging!!!! Isn't it meant to be here yet?" After reading up on the process your body goes through the last 90 days of class is when your body finally starts to take shape. Ya well I'm not seeing no shape changing and I'm starting to get a tad bit distressed and irritated. I know I know I shouldn't just be doing yoga to see changes in my body and I know that a lot of people don't see yoga as a means to weight loss but I do and I have seen results on the scale. Now I just want to see results in my shape. So if patience is the key to seeing the changes all I want for Christmas is the beginning of a yoga bum!

77 Down: Bring it on!!!

Last night class was...well... it was...all I can do is shake my head at the thought of it. Soon after Eagle Pose my heart started to beat like a mofo and it didn't calm down for a second. I thought I was going to have a mini heart attack. I found myself unable to do triangle as much as I hate that posture I do always try to attempt it. On the belly down series I thought I was going to beat a hole in the floor with my heartbeat!...But somewhere in the back of my mind I heard Joe Swanson from family guy shouting "BRING IT ON!!!"... that didn't make my class stronger but I tried to do at least one of each posture with the exception of bow pose which I have now come to utterly detest.

Truth be told I'm scared of going to my next class which may be tonight as I can't do Saturday...we'll see if I can get off work early.

That being said I have decided to finally do the post about 5 things I love about Bikram Yoga. For I know my friend Cassandra is reading this saying why the hell di you love Bikram if you go through torture. So Cass this is for you.....

5.people outside of the yoga studio have told me my skin is glowing...gotta love a compliment.

4. I love that competitive spirit...it's not competing with anyone else except myself for I know I can do better. On days I consciously go into class and dig deep my postures are like BOOM...WHAT YOU CAN'T TELL ME NOTHING!!!! You see the improvements bit by bit and nothing can take that feeling of accomplishment away.

3. Sometimes I walk into the studio feeling depressed and worthless...I come out feeling like a million bucks!

2. Unconsciously practicing yoga when you are doing mindless tasks like brushing your teeth. While waiting for the kettle to boil I've found myself standing on my tippy toes doing awkward pose and wishing that I could do that one posture with my shoes on in class. Cos I can stand high on my tippy toes with my shoes on.  Why does it feel easier and deeper to do standing bow at work while waiting for the elevator to come when no one is around?

http://therunningyoginimom.blogspot.com/

1.The feeling I get after camel pose...granted I can't get into the full expression yet and can only get my fingertips on my heels in the second set. I love the whoosh head rush and the heart beating so fast but my breathing is calm...I LOVE it.

(This list is in no particular order except for number 1.)

76 Down: sweat sweat and more frigging sweat

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The last two classes I've noticed that I'm sweating like a frigging pig....granted Bikram is a sweat-athon but honestly this feels really really weird... I've noticed that by the end of class my towel is grossly squidgy with sweat and 10mins after class I'm still dripping as if I'm still doing the poses. It is really bugging me. I'm putting it down to changes on cellular level... and this must be some kind of deeper cellular transformation that I'm going through. Please Lord let it end soon cos it ain't cute. Not that you can look cute at bikram sweat all in your eyes and stuff but you get my drift.

73 down: To drink or not to drink

http://vitacoco.com/

This is the second time I have been shut up with shock at bikram. Each time it applies to coconut water. I LOVE LOVE LOVE ME SOME COCONUT WATER, especially after a hot humid class. After classes like that Cocofina is my drink of choice...owing to the sweetness. When I have double classes within a short space of each other or don't feel I have hydrated myself enough throughout the day I simply adore the taste of Vita Coco it's so so so gooooood.
The first time I was waiting to go into class and one of the girls at the desk was looking at the cartons of coconut water and said something to the effect of "I wonder how many calories are in this hmmmm let me see...." Yesterday in the changing rooms one girl looked at the back of the carton and said there is 20g of sugar in this...omg!!!
What the heck is wrong with these people?!?!?! It does make one wonder why people will reach for a can of coke and not question it's sugar content and its lack of health benefits. But when it comes to drinking something that is healthy for you the questions start flowing.

71 Down: Water FAIL

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Today I couldn't resist the call for water. I managed to hold out until we got down to the floor but the call was too strong. The sound of people opening their bottles just had me reaching for my water bottle. Since around my 15th class I have not been drinking water while on the mat. Through out the day I have been drinking approx 3 litres so I believe I'm proper hydrated before I go into the room...thus not having water be my distraction and I am a firm believer that it doesn't cool me down it just uses up energy if I sip and sip and sip away in class...so I only drink water once we have finished the final breathing exercise.
But today was a different story I was sooooooo thirsty soooo very thirsty. I did chastise myself once I took my first sip. At least I didn't collapse with thirst. Maybe I shouldn't take my water bottle into class...hmmmm

66 down: Namaste

About 2 weeks ago Helen put this up on the wall in the yoga studio. I simply love it.

Namaste is such a beautiful word. One meaning that resonates with me is "the light in me acknowledges the light in you".

Lately I have been surrounding myself with people who lift me up and I hopefully lift them up as well. This challenge has made me realise that no matter what negativity is going on in your life it is always better to put a positive spin on things...cos honestly there is no need to be down or bring people down with you.

I was talking to my lovely cousin Sue over the weekend...and I was going on about how I really don't know what I want to do in my life and how I thought this journey would somehow make clear to me my role in this world. She in turn told me not to say I don't know what I want, but to say I am rediscovering who I am and what I want out of life! I LOVE that I am on a journey of rediscovery and yes it is going to take more than 101 days. But so far on this journey I have discovered friendships and rediscovered a love for self. The adventure continues.

Namaste peeps x

60 Down: 41 to go

Oh my days I have been slacking on this here blog and I apologise.
So I've done 60 classes in 61 days. I tried to do 60 in 60 but I couldn't make my Sunday class due to moments of indecision... plus the bus not showing up for 20mins was not good and when it did it was too full the bus driver refused to open the doors to let passengers on and drove off. By that time I knew I wouldn't have made it to class on time. No worries.... my goal for the next 30 days is to complete my 90th class on the 90th day! So by the 29th of November I should be at that goal.

I can't believe 60 days has flown by so quickly. Have I noticed changes? Physically kind of sort of but not really. Mentally so so. My head feels clearer and my intentions are stronger. I must admit that last week one of the reasons for my silence was because I felt that my little world was falling apart. I wasn't emotional on the mat but outside my brain was ticking over and over. As most of you know I am not happy with where I am at in my life and have seen a regression, if not stagnation, instead of progress in all aspects of my life....health,relationships, and work. And this 60 day (now 101 day) challenge came about so I could get out of the stagnant state and get movement and change flowing in my life once again.

51 Down: Exhale on Three!!!

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Somewhere near the beginning of this journey I vowed that during this challenge I would do a triple and yesterday I did my triple!!!! I did the 0630, 1500, and 2015. I had the day off and instead of lounging around the house and basically seeing my day off work as a green light to pig out and veg I took to the "torture chamber" and loved every single frigging minute. For the first 2 classes I stood at the back near the window. But the final class I reckoned that if I stayed in the back row I wouldn't push myself so I went to the front near the window. And I did 23 out of 26 postures in the 3rd class.

This past week I have started the class with positive intentions during pranayama breathing. Before I used to count 1,2,3,4,5,6  2,2,3,4,5,6  3,2,3,4,5,6 and this used to drag on and to be honest I hated it cos my shoulders ached. My tummy relaxed and my breathing sometimes got shallow instead of getting stronger. This week I decided that when I breathe in I need to think positive with the intake of breath and with the out take exhale the negative.

inhale in self-love, exhale self-hate
inhale self-confidence, exhale low self-esteem, 
inhale can do, exhale can't do
inhale faith, exhale fear
inhale self-preservation, exhale self-destruction


I believe this helped with my triple because when my third and final class of the day was upon me and we were doing the breathing I realised I was breathing in deeper than ever before and at the end of the posture I felt I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR STRONG!!!!  Able to move on for the next 90mins.

Also this week I decided that I am not doing a 60 day Bikram Yoga challenge. Nope I'm going the whole 101 days!

Will I triple it up again??? MOST DEFINITELY.

45 Down: tears

It all started Thursday morning, up til now I have not been able to get the first part of Dandayamana Janushirasana standing head to knee. That morning after my shower I started experimenting after seeing the way a friend of mine got into the posture I thought I'd try it out and what do you know I managed to get into the posture. Granted only for a few seconds but I did it. So I was really looking forward to class that night I was finally going to stand in the first part of the posture and seeing as I can lock my knee I was going to attempt a little kick...yeah I was thinking way ahead of myself but so what!?! In class I did what I had done in the morning and to my disappointment I couldn't for the life of me get into the damn posture!!!! I was so so so disappointed.

This wave of disappointment turned into my emotional release. They say during days 30-60 you feel an emotional release. I was starting to think this was going to pass me by as the emotion I had been feeling was related to my periods. And now over 40 days in I hadn't felt that real emotional release I was starting to think I'm not human and I have no soul... The disappointment of not achieving the 1st part of Dandayamana Janushirasana kicked it off!!! Saturday's class the voice in my head started talking bullshit about my need to be accepted and to be loved and liked by everyone. This escalated when the teacher seemed to talk to everyone but me...(which is not true as she had corrected my half moon pose but my mind negated that). I felt more invisible than ever before and when it came to doing the sit-ups I couldn't exhale too loud just in case the exhale came out as a loud wail. 

Come Sunday class 45 my mind did it all over again. And I was on the verge of giving everything up...what is my reason for doing this challenge? I'm not seeing any changes or improvements in my body and postures and my mind is not quiet or at peace!!!! the whimpering started thankfully I was at the back of the class and I just let it flow over me while moving in the postures. My stillness that day was my tears.

40 down: 5 long tings

Yippie ki-yay I've done 40 classes in 40 days!!! Can I get a whoop whoop!!!!! I can't believe I've done 40 classes already time has flown by. I figured in commemoration of the 40 classes I would write down 5 things that irritate me about doing Bikram yoga day in and day out. It's not meant to be a negative blog post. I just thought I would share.

So here goes:

5 -
 
4 - People who place their sweaty feet on my towel when they are coming out of savasana and turning to face the front of the room. I know I know it can't be helped sometimes...but these are my irritations

3 - People who knowingly sit in a cold spot and say it's too cold when the teacher opens the window!!!! *throwing my hands up in dispair* I have nothing more to say on this matter

2 - washing my yoga gear day in and day out. I feel like all I have is yoga clothes hanging on the rack. And all other laundry has gone to pot. One week I think I've worked out the perfect system only to have it thrown in my face by clothes not drying or me forgetting to do a load.

1- People who talk in class!!! I cannot stand this...as I get easily distracted. I enjoy the quietness of class and hate having it shattered by someone whispering to their neighbour. I know it's evil of me but I actually get a twinge of delight when the teacher says "no talking!!!" and stops the chattering dead in its tracks.

With these irritations especially talking Charlie says I have to make this part of my meditation and work on it not bothering me....

We got a lot of work to do!!!

Oh I know I said 5 and only did 4...I couldn't think of 5.

28 Down: kick and kick and kick

Can I just say I am so looking forward to tonight's class...I'm trying to nail my standing bow pulling pose. I am one who will sit at my computer all day long looking at pictures of yoga postures instead of doing work. Standing bow is one that I need to achieve in my life!!! Last night the lovely Adrian stood by me and looked at my attempt to kick back...he said "lift the thigh" I lifted and then he said "kick back" I kicked backed. And then he said "gorgeous!!!!" Granted I wasn't in full standing bow pose but I'm in gorgeous territory now WHAT!!! Pure and utter joy is swirling around me. I can't wait to get it on tonight

27 Down: Mirror Mirror on the wall

Walking down Oxford Street on my way to catch the bus to Bikram I was aware of the many trendy slim beautiful people all around me. I felt invisible thinking just once I'd love to be one of the beautiful people instead of the fat ugly dowdy person that I am. On top of that I seem to be going through the motions with Bikram everyday. Fed, one of the teachers, who was at the front desk said "going through the motions...it got you to class didn't it?" I said "yeah but I'm not in class yet I could always turn around and go home right now!" Naturally, I didn't do that I walked into the studio lay on the mat in my spot at the back of the class and closed my eyes. The class filled up pretty quickly and there were some newbies who had plonked themselves in the front row. Megan came in and told them it was best to move and she would find them a spot in the second and back rows. Little did I know she would come to me and ask me to go to the front of the class. I looked at her in horror and she assured me that it would be fine. I slowly grabbed my towel and water and moved to the front of the class with the mirror directly in front of me!! Looking at myself in the mirror during the standing postures was hard...Not only had I walked into class hating myself, hating my body, I still had the angry look on my face...It was difficult because now I had to deal with me and me alone. I forced myself to look into my eyes and boy was it uncomfortable. I don't think I have ever stood in front of a mirror so long and examined myself and my body and the way it moved so deeply. It was a different form of meditation...Usually the back row at the 8.15pm class is packed and has newbies and some whispering fidgeting people. In the front row, in front of the mirror, it felt like just me and me alone. The stillness was all around me. My postures felt stronger because I could see closeup what needed to be corrected.

At the end of class Megan gave me a big sweaty hug!!! My first bikram hug y'all hehe. She thanked me for standing in the front. I started to say that I am not good enough to stand in the front of the class as I don't do the postures 100% and I do some modified postures. Her response was "that doesn't matter. You do the yoga to the best of your ability and when you can't do a posture you stand in your stillness and there is no fidgeting. You are a really good example and role model." it was all getting a bit too deep for me so I was like "oh lawd the weight on my shoulders is too much stop stop stop..."

The Creator switched it up on me people. I stopped going through the motions I was confronted with my true self in the mirror and apparently I'm a role model to other people in the class smh...it's crazy!!

25 Down: Keep it moving

Back in April a friend coaxed me into running the Run to the Beat Half Marathon with her. We got to training but, as it was going to be my second half marathon I thought I'd like to beat my time of 3hrs 7mins. In order to achieve this I needed to strengthen my core...I attempted Ab Ripper X...and Gillian Michaels kettle bell workouts but I wasn't motivated enough to find time and do this in front of the TV...I thought yoga would definatly strengthen my core muscles. And this is one of the many reasons I took up Bikram. As time went by Bikram took centre stage in my life and my marathon training fell by the side of the road. As the date drew nearer my friend and another friend who had signed up started pestering me to run with them. I said I'd try get my training on and one Saturday morning in July I decided to go for a 30min run...it was shambles I almost died to say the least...I ran but I was so discouraged, so discouraged! There was no way I would be ready for this half marathon if I almost died running for 30mins...Needless to say my friends were disappointed and I even got cocky using excuses like "I'm tired of doing what other people want me to do. I have to look out for number 1! And Miss Number 1 wasn't going to be damaging herself to run a half marathon oh hell nah!!!"

I received my running gear from the organisers 2 weeks ago. The t-shirt was NICE!!! The crazy person in me said that I couldn't wear it in all honesty without completing the race. So if I didn't run I would never ever deserve to wear it. I folded it up and put it away. One day on the yoga mat I think it was 2 Thursdays ago (the Thursday I was off), a voice in me said "Nikki you are doing the half marathon even if it means you walk it from start to finish. And that was that."

This morning I woke up got my kit on, met up with my friend and her sister and lined up at the start line. I was so nervous I felt like I had a runny tummy, I was like "Lord  Father God why am I here? What foolishness is this...I listen to a voice on a yoga mat...smdh!!!" The plan was to run for a few miles eat a dextro energy tablet and keep it moving repeating the ritual. As soon as we crossed the start line my friends took off without so much as a backward glance. I knew this would happen even though I had been told otherwise. I knuckled down into the solitary journey of me pushing myself to take the extra step and keep on running shuffling. I got about half way through the 9th mile and decided I was going to walk...turns out my walk was faster than my shuffle hehe. But I needed to keep that running motion going...which I did. Along the way I met a lovely lady and we encouraged each other on. With about 2.5 miles to go her joints started to swell up, I really wanted to get a paramedic to look at her as she was just recovering from a cold and it looked serious. But she was adamant and said that she would get a paramedic once she crossed the finish line. What could one do? I thought to myself 'ok girl you do you... I got your back we're gonna finish this together.'  And the last few miles were absolute bliss, aside from the fact that I was scared she would pass out. The girl had so much fight and determination in her I was blessed to finish with her. We spurred each other on with 500m to go I was like "I can't run no more...Imma just walk across the finish line" she was like "COME ON NIKKI!!!" That was the shove I needed. We crossed the finish together!!!

I finished in 3hrs 18mins, 11mins longer than last time but I'm not beating myself up about it. All I know is that Bikram and the lovely lady definitely helped me cross the finish line. I mean at one point I did a body check and my heart wasn't pounding out of it's chest like the last time...my legs felt painful especially my bad knee but this only really hit me around mile 9 and 10. Mentally the determination I had was on point I knew I had to finish and finish I did. What Bikram and this current 60 day challenge has taught me is that I can do anything I put my mind to no matter how uncomfortable it is. The first step is just getting to the room or in this case the start line. The next step is taking it one posture at a time...so taking it one step at a time. And finally the last step is letting go of the previous posture as that is in the past and moving on to the next one. So basically just keep it moving!!!

As soon as we crossed the finish line. The lovely lady saw a paramedic. Thankfully she is fine. Her twitter post later referred to me as a pace-making angel. Which I think is so cool who would have thought someone would think of me as a pace maker let alone an angel.

23 down: Broken Woman

These past two weeks have been really really good. Last night in class I was beat simply beat!!! That is when I realised that I had been going straight through...no days off since the 10th September, with a few doubles thrown in the mix. Can I get a whoop whoop!!! I'm going hard y'all!!!! Today I have the day off and my body is terribly excited about doing absolutely frigging nothing tonight.

Getting to class has been tough I'm not going to lie...I've been dreaming up excuses as to not to go and looking at the class to see if i can squeeze in extra doubles and all that jazz. But I really don't want to fail at this.

Yesterday in class I so broken I felt stiff and I couldn't catch my breath. I was disappointed because even though I know every class is different I didn't expect to feel so crappy last night. There was a lot of yawning on my part. Andy caught me and was like "why you yawning" my response was to yawn back at him hehe. Class was so bad but I stayed in the room...swore when it came to doing the awkward pose and my knee felt so stiff in the third part I came out way too early. Did a little trot on my mat after I came out of Standing Bow. Cursed myself out for coming out of camel too early...and I flat out totally refused to do head to knee pose...I was dead! After class the lovely Andy laughed at me cos of the look on my face...yep I still have mastered smiling in class yet...this will come I'm sure.

37 more classes to go in the torture chamber and I love it really i do....

20 down: I defeated the truck y'all

Last night I walked into class feeling a tad bit queasy. Yesterday was a day of pigging out because just like everyone I simply love Monday mornings!!! Especially when I have been off work for a few days I woke up contemplating pulling a sickie. As soon as I got into work the phone started ringing and I had the rudest client on the phone. I really wanted to tell her to take her business and stick back there where the sun don't shine!!! I decided instead of stooping to her level I would pig out so I ran to the shops and picked up some mini rolls, made a cup of really sweet tea and began to devour them at such speed that after I sat there amongst the wrappers thinking what the heck just happened where the hell am I?? I had the itis for the rest of the day.

I walked into class stomach uneasy from the mini rolls, thinking today is going to be the day I either hurl all over everyone, I collapse, or I run out! Surprisingly nothing happened...I moved through the standing series and even did triangle pose which I hate detest to no end. I'm guessing my one saving grace is that I had had my water earlier and I did not concentrate on that feeling in my stomach.

I beat the yoga truck y'all. I managed to quiet my mind and just get on with business at hand.

Needless to say this morning the rude client sent one of her colleagues to apologise on her behalf for her rudeness...I'll accept that.

18 and 19 down: turn that frown into a smile

I doubled up yesterday. I don't know what it is but I get really anxious when I know I'm about to embark on a double bikram yoga session. 180mins = 3hours of my time totally focused on me and me alone...i mean in this day and age who does that? certainly not me. 

The first session the lovely Lorraine was telling us to do at least one posture that we are afraid of pushing through and always end up staying in that 'safe' place. I felt myself pushing through a tad bit more...I really don't want to get to that comfortable place in yoga where everything gets stagnant as that is where my life is at the moment everything is stagnant and nothing is changing so I'm taking steps to do one different thing a day. Even if that one different thing is locking the knee and locking it for the whole posture.

Second session Fed bigged me up for doing my double. But then he said "now all you have to work on is letting go of the frown". Yes the frown...the frown... the angry look on my face that I take with me where ever I go. I walk around looking like an angry black woman...I do yoga looking like an angry black woman....I need to work on this cos often times when walking down the street I've been told to smile...I don't mean to have an angry look on my face cos I'm not an angry person. So for my 20th class the one different thing I'll try to work on is turning my frown upside down into a smile!

17 classes down: Emotional release

So today is the 17th of September and I've just completed my 17th class. I'm half way through my first 30 days. I doubled up on Thursday and will be doubling up again tomorrow. Class had been going strong and steady but I've had a really weird period and it has set my balance back a bit, plus my joints feel a tad bit stiff, I can't wait till it's over. After class today I just wanted to cry... So I don't know whether or not to put it down to the fact that I'm on or to put it down to Bikram and the emotional release that comes along with doing the practice to such a level. As the teachers say everything in you is changing from a cellular level so maybe my emotions are changing and my heart is slowly opening up.

12 down...nothing to say

Ok so I'm not sure I'm going to be blogging everyday cos I honestly have nothing to say about last nights class. I'm taking two days off work starting tomorrow planning on doing a double and I finally get to go to a Friday class and then I'll double up on Saturday and possibly Sunday. So I'm going to be  busy bee.
I'm also due to go to 2 parties and even though I don't have to stay away from alcohol I know that I'll be so vexed at myself if I partake and either skip class or go to class and just lie there because of my foolishness and my inability to say no to gin and tonic.

11 down: exhasution

So yesterdays was one of pure and utter exhaustion. I have done 11 classes and I'm knackered!!!  I came down to all fours during the balancing stick pose and the teacher asked if I was ok cos I must have looked like I was about to die. But honestly it wasn't the that because that was fine and it wasn't anything else just a loud voice in my head screaming "wtf is going on here I'm exhausted stop this nonsense now!!!!" but I got up and tried my best but I'm really really tired yo.

They say that the greatest achievement sometimes is just getting to class so i have to pat myself on the back for that but I'm sooooooooooo tired. *sob*

10 down 50 to go...I could have bounced a coin of his bum

I woke up feeling that lovely exercise pain in my belly, back, and shoulders. In class today for the first time I noticed my standing bow pulling pose is defo improving. Granted I don't stay in for the whole posture and always conserve my energy for the second set...I can't wait till tomorrow to see if it was  just a fluke or it really is improving. Improving from having difficulty lifting my leg and holding my arm the right way to kicking back and now slowly bringing my body down as I work on the kick.
Since I started Bikram I couldnt help but notice that some of the men who practice have the nicest bodies...The kind that make you just want to exhale and say "Thank you Jesus. You are worthy to be praised!!" Lying on my tummy after cobra pose my eyes were drawn to the lovely bum of the guy next to me. I tell you I could have bounced a coin of his arse. It was simply lovely...

8 and 9 Down 51 to go...Doubles!!!

Today I doubled up and LOVED EVERY MOMENT OF IT!!! NO LIE!!!!! I went to the 9am class and the 3pm class. For both classes I tried very hard not to come out of the postures early. As I have noticed that I do that quite a lot. I must admit I was more successful in doing this in the first class but I didn't beat myself up about it in the second class. I really enjoyed every moment of it and the sense of achievement I felt was awesome. I was slightly tempted to do a triple right after my second class but I knew that I'd get in there do the Pranayama breathing series and just want to walk out. But I'm putting it out there one day in this 60 day challenge I WILL DO A TRIPLE!

6 and 7 down 53 to go: Get out of my head

Some evening classes start with the teacher telling us to let go of whatever had gone on that day and  leave it all behind and be in the moment. My 7th I could not leave it all behind. To the point where it prohibited me from performing to my full potential. From standing bow pulling pose to the last breathing exercise everything was extremely weak, with me only attempting the postures just once. I felt overwhelmed and mad at myself. And began to critisise every movement I made. The voice in my head said there was no way I would complete the 60 days. And I was a fool for even thinking that if I got through the 60 anything would change. I should just give up because everything I have attempted or touched in this life has failed. I was tempted to lie in fetal position and cry the class away.

On my way to yoga earlier I had had a conversation with a friend of mine. We are both having a crap year and don't seem to be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. She pointed out a flaw within me...a flaw that I willingly admit, a flaw that I'm hoping to change with this yoga. After the conversation it struck me how when she said what she said it felt like a slap in the face...I carried this into class with me and it snowballed out of control as I started thinking of every little negative thing in my life. I couldn't for the life of me get out of my head and the harder I tried the more I seemed to fail and the more I beat myself up for not performing to my full potential.

After much thought today I realise that I need to dedicate my 90mins of Bikram Yoga to myself because really even though I was thinking of the crap in my life what could I have done about it at that time of night? Absolutely nothing!!!!

5 Down 55 to go..suck it in

Last night was an amazing class...simply amazing. I went in saying to myself I'm going to suck my tummy in as much as I can...even harder than I've been doing cos I'm going to touch my forehead to my knee. Granted the knee touch never happened...but, every movement felt so strong. The last 2 nights the teacher has assisted me during a couple of movements and now I know what it should feel like when I am in certain postures and this made yesterdays class really strong. REALLY STRONG!!!
Last night made me realise that I haven't been holding my tummy in during the sessions and I just let the fat hang in all it's glory. How am I meant to see a marked improvement if I'm not working my core muscles? I am now aware of what needs to be done. I got 55  more days to reach my goal.

4 down 56 more to go...my tummy

So last nights class was one of frustration on my part...It was extremely humid, but that is not what was bothering me. All I know is that by the end of this 60 day challenge I MUST be able to put my damn head on my damn knee!!!! People may say "Oh but that is so simple!" And to that I simply reply ''err no it is not!!!!" Especially when you have a huge gut like mine. My tummy is one of the things I don't love about my body. It has hindered me in all sorts of things...hindered my confidence, hindered me being able to wear a body con dress, hindered me in wearing a bikini! And now it has the audacity in hindering me from touching my forehead to my knee!! No matter how much the teacher says "suck your tummy in! Suck it in! The posture hasn't started until your forhead touches your knee! Round down...suck your tummy in...bend your leg...." In my mind I'm screaming "I'm sucking it in I'm sucking it in! I can't help the fact that the fat is blocking my forehead from touching my knee!"
Speaking to one student who has been going for just over a year she said she was once like me but now she can do it. So there is hope for me and my belly.

3 down 57 more to go

Sunday morning was my 3rd class. I felt so wiped out after that as soon as I got home I plonked myself on the couch and fell asleep....I didn't move till dinner time had a little something something to eat and went back to bed....I need ENERGY!!!! 4th class is tonight we'll see how it goes.

2 down 58 to go

This morning I woke up with the taste of alcohol in my mouth, a headache, and feeling extremely bloated. I can only put this down to detoxing from the gin and tonics that were forced down my neck at a week long 40th birthday party in the middle of August. I haven't touched alcohol since....honest!

I dragged myself to class this morning thinking gosh it's gonna be a bad one. The bloat wasn't going away and I felt nauseous owing to the alcoholic vapours in my mouth. As soon as I lay on my mat waiting for class to begin I immediately started to sweat.  I was like wtf, as the heat normally doesn't hit me that early. I was thinking shoot I'm doomed. But surprisingly it was an ok class. Yep just ok it wasn't fabulous nor was it dreadful...just ok.

That's the thing I love about Bikram, every class is different. One day you can get every posture ''spot'' on and move through it in a meditative state with an intense ease that after class you walk out with a swag in your step and the biggest smile on your face. The next day you go into class still on a high from the previous day and you struggle in every single posture including savasana!!! You have to take a moment for your self and think what the heck just happened there?!?!? But then you go back the next day to see if you can get one up on yourself and do it flawless which in my case it never is flawless but I'm loving striving for the perfection.

60 Day Challenge: Day 1 and 2

Last night was my first class in the challenge. I am not doing one today as I am unable to get to the studio on Fridays. So will have to be doubling up on some days. I hadn't been for over 2 weeks as once I decided to do the 60 days I thought I'd take a break before I go HARD!!! Last night wasn't that good...my dehydration levels are up for after 2 weeks of 'vacationing' from the studio my water intake has been poor to say the least. I felt it during the floor series so most of the time I spent it on my back chastising myself for not getting my water in.

My first flitter with Bikram was back in 2008. All I remember is that it was 2 days of pure and utter hell and a naked woman bumped into me with her naked sweaty self when I was making my way out of the changing room. I had signed up for the introductory £30 for 30 days challenge and only managed to do 2 days. People who know me know that I am grossed out by sweat, germs and just about anything that is too close for comfort. So I wrote the £30 off and never returned.

This year something within me clicked. Living in a stressful flat share and stressing about my life in general I needed to bring my cortisol levels down...I was putting on weight as if my life depended on it and I needed to get myself in check. I've done the running thing which I love but it doesn't really calm me and even though my running practice has been solitary I never really got into the depth of me as I'd have music on and it never was a meditative form of exercise. I tried to do yoga at home but always gave up 15mins into the practice with the excuse that I don't know enough about yoga to practice it alone. So in June of this year I decided to try Bikram again...at a different studio.  Everyone was really welcoming and I felt at home...granted there was enough sweat and grossness to give me nightmares and squirminess for the rest of my life somehow I managed to see past it and just get back to me. Day 1 turned into day 15 and before i knew it 30 days were up and all I knew is I LOVED it!!! Loved the changes in my body, loved the changes in my life, and loved the peace that came over me.

So here I am 3 months later embarking on a 60 day journey which will hopefully turn into 101 days and blogging about it...