Some evening classes start with the teacher telling us to let go of whatever had gone on that day and leave it all behind and be in the moment. My 7th I could not leave it all behind. To the point where it prohibited me from performing to my full potential. From standing bow pulling pose to the last breathing exercise everything was extremely weak, with me only attempting the postures just once. I felt overwhelmed and mad at myself. And began to critisise every movement I made. The voice in my head said there was no way I would complete the 60 days. And I was a fool for even thinking that if I got through the 60 anything would change. I should just give up because everything I have attempted or touched in this life has failed. I was tempted to lie in fetal position and cry the class away.
On my way to yoga earlier I had had a conversation with a friend of mine. We are both having a crap year and don't seem to be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. She pointed out a flaw within me...a flaw that I willingly admit, a flaw that I'm hoping to change with this yoga. After the conversation it struck me how when she said what she said it felt like a slap in the face...I carried this into class with me and it snowballed out of control as I started thinking of every little negative thing in my life. I couldn't for the life of me get out of my head and the harder I tried the more I seemed to fail and the more I beat myself up for not performing to my full potential.
After much thought today I realise that I need to dedicate my 90mins of Bikram Yoga to myself because really even though I was thinking of the crap in my life what could I have done about it at that time of night? Absolutely nothing!!!!
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