27 Down: Mirror Mirror on the wall

Walking down Oxford Street on my way to catch the bus to Bikram I was aware of the many trendy slim beautiful people all around me. I felt invisible thinking just once I'd love to be one of the beautiful people instead of the fat ugly dowdy person that I am. On top of that I seem to be going through the motions with Bikram everyday. Fed, one of the teachers, who was at the front desk said "going through the motions...it got you to class didn't it?" I said "yeah but I'm not in class yet I could always turn around and go home right now!" Naturally, I didn't do that I walked into the studio lay on the mat in my spot at the back of the class and closed my eyes. The class filled up pretty quickly and there were some newbies who had plonked themselves in the front row. Megan came in and told them it was best to move and she would find them a spot in the second and back rows. Little did I know she would come to me and ask me to go to the front of the class. I looked at her in horror and she assured me that it would be fine. I slowly grabbed my towel and water and moved to the front of the class with the mirror directly in front of me!! Looking at myself in the mirror during the standing postures was hard...Not only had I walked into class hating myself, hating my body, I still had the angry look on my face...It was difficult because now I had to deal with me and me alone. I forced myself to look into my eyes and boy was it uncomfortable. I don't think I have ever stood in front of a mirror so long and examined myself and my body and the way it moved so deeply. It was a different form of meditation...Usually the back row at the 8.15pm class is packed and has newbies and some whispering fidgeting people. In the front row, in front of the mirror, it felt like just me and me alone. The stillness was all around me. My postures felt stronger because I could see closeup what needed to be corrected.

At the end of class Megan gave me a big sweaty hug!!! My first bikram hug y'all hehe. She thanked me for standing in the front. I started to say that I am not good enough to stand in the front of the class as I don't do the postures 100% and I do some modified postures. Her response was "that doesn't matter. You do the yoga to the best of your ability and when you can't do a posture you stand in your stillness and there is no fidgeting. You are a really good example and role model." it was all getting a bit too deep for me so I was like "oh lawd the weight on my shoulders is too much stop stop stop..."

The Creator switched it up on me people. I stopped going through the motions I was confronted with my true self in the mirror and apparently I'm a role model to other people in the class smh...it's crazy!!